Sometimes people are terrible, and sometimes those people marry you. (Someone should really put that on a sign to be given out when divorcées sign legal paperwork.)
It seems that I have done a lot of growing in two years, since I didn’t die after being forced to see someone I used to love. A fouled up tax return yet again landed me in my former spouse’s company asking to be reimbursed for funds taken for his flaws.
You read that right. He’s still taking my money, three years later.
Yet we had a meeting. I did not die. I didn’t even feel uncomfortable. I felt fine. Yes, fine—can you imagine?! Graces from God, I tell you.
There were a lot of words shared. And by “a lot” I mean if I can parallel the kind of sickness one can get after drinking unfiltered well water in the uninhabited areas of Africa to the kind of spewing of words shared, it probably still wouldn’t come close. Words. Shared.
Here are some lessons—rules, really—that I’d like to remember in case this situation comes up again:
- One does tell his/her ex spouse when he’s an [expletive] idiot, emotionally [expletive] irresponsible, and a spoiled [expletive] child. One tells him/her more than once. Sprinkling in adjectives like “crazy,” “immature,” and “dumb” are not classy, but they are encouraged.
- One does admit to feelings, regrets, and wishes, but one does not hope that anything will be different or changed. People don’t change.
- One does not agree to any notions of “someday.” One severs emotional ties when one sees that conversation may steer elsewhere than current reality.
- One does not touch one’s ex-spouse. One knows better.
- One does continue on with life because one is better than the past. One has learned that pennies can be bright and shiny, but they’re still only pennies, can’t buy anything, and—frankly—should really be removed from circulation.
- One’s ex-spouse is the penny.
- One should pray more than he/she breathes that 1-6 can be followed.